Honestly? In order:
- A dinosaur
(A Triceratops, specifically)
- An inventor/mad scientist
(still working on the mustache)
- That old guy on the PBS show Frugal Gourmet
(ok, so the mustache thing is a recurring theme. So shoot me.)
Then I discovered Cheetos
, Mountain Dew
, and computers when I was a teenager and I wanted to be a hacker. I was so naive and earnest in my desire to become a hacker that my very first website was an AOL member’s page that I made from basic HTML begging some benevolent elite master hacker to take me on as an apprentice to educate me in the ways of hackerdom. I was clearly operating under the fantasy of masterful movies such as Hackers, and far too much caffeine.
Ok, so had enough quirky images pulled from the Google’s image search? Well then let’s talk about how easy kids have it nowadays shaking my old man cane ! The other day during my internship, I was looking for a lead on a story on a recent trend of botnets and clickfraud and all sorts of riveting internet deception. Me, being the subtle and sneaky individual that I am googled “hacker forum” and came up with this surprisingly active gem: Hack Forums. The color scheme of acidic purple and green reeks of script kiddies and black lit posters of The Matrix. You can practically smell the teenage angst.
However, lo and behold, there is actually a treasure trove of active how-to’s and tutorials for the average idiot teenager to go wreak havoc on whatever poor local system administrator of choice in their local high school or library! For example:
* Botnet Q&A
* The Absolute Basics of Hacking
* Professor 0110’s Web Hacking Class: An Exploit for Beginners Class 1
Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Where was this when I was trying to get arrested in high school? Oh well. The point is that this information is just sitting out there open for anyone to find, play around with, and get into trouble. The ease with which one can apparently build a botnet is shocking, let alone that there are people actively selling their services with pre-packaged botnets sitting on the store shelves ready for activation. There are more benign and informative threads such as “The Ultimate Guide to PC Security”, but frankly these are few and far between, with much of the forums dedicated to digital mischief and virtual mayhem.
The honest truth is that the site is largely dedicated to the demographic of skiddies, but a small percentage of these confused hormone riddled terrors are going to end up doing some real damage and getting into some serious stuff if they end up really having the chops to code in C, SQL, etc. I had a friend get arrested and charged for playing around with Back Orifice back in high school, and from what I hear he’s selling stolen laptops somewhere in East Bumf*ck. And this kid has a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science! Anyway.
There are arguments for the necessity of these people operating on the fringes of internet morality to test systems and keep system administrators from getting to lazy and lax and prevent them from resting on their laurels presuming that everything is fine. However, what’s the deal with having technical schematics and plans for building IEDs on the internet for terrorists (domestic or foreign) to access? I’m pretty sure that’s pretty tightly controlled and regulated. Actually, I take that back. I just did a test query through everyone’s favorite search engine (that’s right: altavista!
) and came across pretty detailed instructions (no pictures, but honestly I wasn’t looking that hard) on how to make a pipe bomb. Free speech, like it or not. Actually, I do remember it being a pretty cool thing to find copies of the Anarchist’s Cookbook online back in the day. (Wow this blog post is getting way nostalgic and personal)
However, hacking is the original sub-culture of the internet. Cyberpunks, honestly, have a special place in my nostalgic geek heart. They are the evil geek mythology of the computer world, where there are not dragons or ghouls, but caffeine junkies with orange stained finger tips and greasy glasses lurking in the dark corners of your nightmares. So, to get a bit more back on point: How many of these newbie hackers and skiddies actually turn into defenders against acts of virtual turpitude? Is it just some phase that they’ll pass through? Honestly, I believe (and am proof) that most never forget it and maintain this taste of the underbelly of the internet. Don’t get me wrong: I do not hang out on 4chan’s /b/ channel (though I do sometimes poke my head in to see what the most depraved minds allowed internet access in the world are coming up with, just to see what the atmosphere is in there).
Is there something to be said for taking these idle handed bored minds and educating them
White Hat style? Shouldn’t we be cultivating them from the get go and not leaving it to the back alleys of
IRC and Hack Forums to educate these kids? And really, these kids are the future of our potential cyber-offense teams that presumably foreign powers have been utilizing all this time! Actually, the good ol’ UK is rumored to already be employing zombie
hordes of teenage hacker miscreants to defend their nation’s cyber-borders! My favorite line is:
It is entirely unacceptable that our security services and our government are broadcasting the message that the only qualification necessary for a job in MI5 is being a hacker (one bad enough to have got caught).
Alright. I’ve ranted at you for long enough. Go on your merry way and I’ll have something else completely asinine and rambling for you to stare at in a couple of days, making you wonder why you keep coming back around here, and seriously, what is that awful smell?